I know I have been absent for a few weeks and I’ve missed you all. But there were many logs in the fire needing constant attention.
Thankfully, we’ve found reprieve and our 45th anniversary trip to Italy and Switzerland is happening.
I feel like the astronauts must feel when they hear, “all engines are a go,” and the countdown begins.
We will spend the first 5 nights in Tuscany and to say we’re excited is a huge understatement.
Last night Tom took me to one of our favorite Italian restaurants for pizza and Caesar salad. We couldn’t think of a better way to whet our appetite for our trip.
When we finished our server asked if we were interested in dessert.
“What do you have?” we asked, which is the worst way to resist temptation.
We decided to share an Affogato—a delicious treat of vanilla gelato, chocolate sauce with hot espresso poured on top. Every bite was fantastic. Now we can’t wait to try this in Tuscany.
I probably won’t post until we return. But check our IG account if you’d like to see Italy and Switzerland through our lens.
Normally this is my Foodie Friday post where we share good food we’ve enjoyed whether at home or out on the town.
But this Friday is special. It is the day when Jesus paused to break bread with his disciples before He would give His life as a ransom for us all.
It is called The Lord’s Supper. Today we realize the bread represents His body broken for us. The wine represents His blood spilled for us. It was a holy moment then and it is a holy moment now.
Have you and your spouse ever taken communion together in the privacy of your home? Tom and I have and it was more meaningful than we could have imagined. The Holy Spirit was present—He lives in both of us—He made our time holy.
The Lord is Risen and this side of the Cross our communion is informed with the good news of the Gospel. Celebrate this year as husband and wife and watch what God will do.
This week is what Christians call Holy Week. It is the beginning of following Jesus’s final journey on Earth to the cross. It is the most important week of the year.
If Jesus didn’t die and 3 days later rise to His triumph over sin and death, then there is no hope. But the good news of the Gospel is—He Lives! And because He lives our marriage has hope to grow and mature as the years pass.
The Gospel is never more on display than when two sinners say, “I do.”
Our first three years of marriage were a continual honeymoon. Then reality knocked on our door. We discovered the sin that easily entangles had a grip on both of us.
We had a decision to make. Would we stay together through the worse times, or would unforgiveness and bitterness win?
Obviously we made the decision to fight for our marriage.
What made this possible was posturing our hearts in humility and mercy.
Humility realizes the sin your spouse struggles with is no worse than the sin you struggle with. We are both equally sinners.
Mercy is willing to extend forgiveness when your spouse asks for it. The game changer for us was when we realized sin wasn’t a “his or her” problem, it was an “us” problem. We had to fight for each other’s freedom from besetting sins.
This only works when both the husband and wife are postured to repent and receive mercy, or to listen and extend mercy.
How to begin this process.
1. Start with a clean slate. Make sure there are no hidden sins your spouse isn’t aware of. If there are, it’s time to come clean. Warning: This is the hardest part. But God gives grace to the humble. We encourage you to seek counsel from a pastor or counselor to get through full repentance.
2. Once you’ve confessed your sin, allow your spouse time to grieve. It is hard for them to hear, especially if they are taken completely off guard by your confession. Any reaction to your confession whether sadness or anger is warranted. Reacting sinfully to the way your spouse deals with your confession only deepens the gap between you.
3. Talk about how you’re both doing. Then listen to understand not to respond. The former is humble. The latter is proud. Be willing to talk as long as it takes. Let your spouse ask questions and always be gut-level honest with them. There is no place for defensiveness in a repentant heart.
4. Finally, and most importantly, pray together out loud. One of the biggest breakthroughs in Tom’s life came after he heard me pray for him. He heard my heart laid bare before the Father appealing for his freedom. It changed him.
Marriage is the best relationship in this life worth fighting for.
But it requires both spouses fighting on the same team against a common enemy—Satan. He wants nothing more than to silence your testimony.
If you are in a difficult season of marriage there is hope. Posture your heart humbly before the Lord and your spouse and watch what God does.
What better way to begin Holy Week than to seek to be holy as He is holy.
I have a history of baking pies since Tom and I were first married.
We lived in a rented retirement condo in Bradenton, FL, 3 miles from the Gulf of Mexico. I loved our one bedroom apartment with the canary yellow carpet. The downside was Tom worked so many hours in a week, so I was lonely most days.
The property manager and his wife were the only people I knew. She was an experienced baker and offered to teach me the basics—pie crust and bread dough. I jumped at the opportunity to learn and to have something to do.
Now 45 years later, I am still baking for the love of my life.
What began as a diversion from loneliness has now become a staple of memories shared by our kids and grandkids. In fact, birthday pies are requested over the traditional birthday cake.
Today I’m not able to bake a pie due to a busy schedule. So I’ll do the next best thing—share photos of pies I’ve made.
Happy Pi Day
Apple pieStrawberry Cream Cheese pieTriple Cherry PiePeach and Blueberry Galette Fresh Blueberry PieHappy Pi Day to you and yours!
We recently did a hard pruning in our yard. All plants were cut back, except for our azaleas that are showing off this year. They will be pruned later.
The first cut is always the hardest.
Once you start you’re committed to finish, no matter how tired I may be.
Our gardenia bush pruned with new growth
In marriage pruning is necessary too.
Each year we should stand back and look over our relationship. Where are we struggling to connect? Is it emotionally? Spiritually? Physically?
Try sharing this post with your spouse and see if they have some thoughts on it. We don’t know unless we ask. And they may not realize there’s a problem until you ask.
Problems are like overgrowth. We all have it. It’s what we do with it that separates strong relationships from weak ones.
In a strong relationship the problem is considered together like looking at your garden. What things are choking the marriage? I’ve noticed that when my mood suddenly changes it’s good to pause and ask myself what caused it? Oftentimes Tom said something that either hurt my feelings or my pride.
Both need to be addressed but differently—feelings must be discussed to reach a place of understanding. This is where growth happens in marriage. Pride on the other hand needs to be killed; it’s like a weed that will ruin your relationship.
Pride is a choking vine. Kill it or it will kill intimacy and maybe even your marriage.
Spring is the time for fresh beginnings. We pray this is true for your marriage.
We’ve all had them. Circumstances don’t go the way we planned. Or worse something happens that sends your emotions reeling. It’s hard to believe the unthinkable happened and you have to deal with the aftermath of a difficult situation.
This was our week last week all while we were away together celebrating our anniversary.
We had to reign in our thoughts about things happening at home about which we couldn’t fix. We had to do this in order not to let the bad rob the good.
FOCUS ON THE GOOD
We were still together. We were still in the beautiful mountains of Tennessee. We were able to have relaxing fire pit nights on chilly evenings. And we enjoyed lots of good food, coffee and conversation.
It was a great time and we made memories.
When we got home I got a call from a cousin in Oklahoma telling me her sister had died that morning. This sister had just visited our home the week before we left for lunch; It was hard to believe and all I could do was cry.
This made me remember how brief life is and we have no guarantees of tomorrow.
Here are three important reminders to help your relationship when life turns for the worst:
1. Tell your spouse you love them everyday.
2. Never leave the house mad without attempting to resolve the argument. If that was the last time you would see your spouse the regret would be tormenting.
3. Don’t allow disappointment and hardship to rob the plans you and your spouse have made.
Life is a balance between hardship and blessing.The former we can’t control, the latter we can purpose to be grateful
These photos are highlights of our trip. Even though we were in difficult times, we made many wonderful memories.
View from the cabinEven fog is beautifulOur favorite coffee shopSpent an afternoon here with friendsQuite rested, even with the photo bomber 😂Picnic charcuterie friends made for us ❤️Chopping wood
We’re learning that waiting for life to get back to normal is futile. This is life—the good and bad. We must embrace it all and trust that God is with us every step. He will always be faithful.
The Pharisees were the religious elite of their day. They spanned the motives of their heart with a pat on the back. All the perfection boxes were checked, yet one thing was lacking—humility.
Humility is lowliness of mind; a deep sense of one’s own unworthiness in the sight of God, self-abasement, penitence for sin, and submission to the divine will.
Webster’s 1828 dictionary
What does humility look like in marriage?
A realization that your sin is the only thing you can do anything about, which leads to repentance.
Pointing the finger of blame is not found in a humble heart. When you are pointing a finger of accusation there are three fingers pointing back at you.
A willingness to serve by laying down your life for the good of another, namely your spouse.
One word of caution though. A proud spouse craves their spouse to do all of the above.
If when reading this you are thinking that your spouse needs to read this—humility quite possibly may be lacking.
The only One qualified to judge the motives of the human heart, is the very One who died to free us from the snares of pride—Jesus Christ, our Savior.
Jesus warns us that the measure we use to judge someone will be used to judge us. This should cause us all to tremble and not trust our own heart.
If your marriage is struggling we encourage you to ask God what you’re missing in regard to change.
You have no control to change your spouse, but you do have control over your own thoughts, motives and attitudes.
Are you willing to lay your life down for the good of another? Your spouse? If you struggle to answer yes, the Pharisee may be influencing you more than you know.
Only the Holy Spirit can expose the motives of my heart with truth and conviction.
Ask Him to show you any trace of the Pharisee’s self righteous judgments in your own heart. This is where life-changing repentance begins and the foundation on which healthy marriages are built.
We love celebrating our anniversary. We make much of what God has done in our lives individually and in our relationship. There are so many stories of disappointments, sicknesses, accidents, celebrations, victories and awards. All of them tell the story of us.
Last Saturday was our actual anniversary and Tom made reservations at The Capital Grille. To say I was excited is an understatement. I love it when Tom plans something special; when he does, he goes all out.
The setting was beautiful.
The food was cooked to perfection.
Lobster BisqueFrench Onion SoupCaesar SaladGorgonzola Strip Steak with Cabernet Reduction SauceA sweet complimentary ending to a great night
The staff was friendly. We even had the manager stop by to wish us a Happy Anniversary. When he heard how long we’ve been married, he shared how he has only been married two years. He then proceeded to ask us this question:
“What is the secret to a lasting marriage?”
Without hesitation we gave the answer.
“Jesus! He is the one who has helped us through our worst days and made us better as a result.”
The manager said he asks this question often. When he goes home, he shares the answers with his wife to help their marriage endure.
What a healthy practice this young husband is doing. It made us smile.
What practices do you and your spouse have to help your marriage grow? One thing is sure, it takes being intentional towards each other to keep from drifting apart.
Last week we took our Ukrainian friends to see the Manatees at Blue Springs State Park. But we almost missed it.
When we were on our way we couldn’t understand why our GPS said, “5 miles and 30 minutes to go.”
When we got closer to the entrance it became quite clear. The line to get in must have been 40 cars deep. We waited about an hour just to enter the park.
The good news is parking was easy, and the crowd was manageable inside the park. It turned out out to be such a fun day for us and our friends.
Tom said, “We need to do things like this more.”
My response was, “All it takes is saying YES!”
He realized had our friends not been with us, he wouldn’t have waited an hour to get in the park. But look what we would have missed?
560 manatees in the park
“Yes” is the word that allows unexpected adventures to happen. Because most adventures are spontaneous, if you are in the habit of saying no, you’ll never know what you’ve missed.
Let’s purpose to say yes as often as we can to our spouse’s ideas. The next adventure awaits and it is most likely worth it.
We passed this flag pole on the way to the park that made us all smile…
It was the first trip to Chicago Tom and I took for business. He had to go to the National Restaurant show at McCormick Place held annually in May. To say I was excited would be an understatement.
We arrived at the Swissotel on Wacker and from the moment I entered I was like Dorothy in the Emerald City. Everything was stunning. Our beautiful king-sized room even overlooked the Chicago River, a gorgeous view.
We were greeted at the check-in counter where they had huge glass jars filled with Swiss chocolate. It was as good as you can imagine and the treats kept coming.
At breakfast the first morning Tom discovered something called Birchermuesli. It was the best morning parfait he had ever had—filled with fruit, grains, honey and yogurt. I love it when he really enjoys something new.
I like to surprise Tom by figuring out how to make something he’s enjoyed at a restaurant.
I don’t remember how I got the recipe—if I asked right then if they would share it, or if I called when we returned home. At any rate, I’m happy to say I have it printed on their letterhead.
I just made Birchermuesli today for the first time in years. I wanted to share it with our friends who are visiting with us from Ukraine. 🇺🇦
If you know me, I hate raisins. But this is for Tom and our guests. FYI, This is the best lemon zester—Microplane
This is the perfect recipe to share this week on our Foodie Fridays.
If you make it, let us know how you like it in the comments.
Have a romantic weekend. I know we will—tomorrow is our anniversary! 🍷🍷❤️
My first thought is the record collection I had as a young teenager. Records came in three sizes—45 rpm that had a single song on each side. 33 rpm that is the most familiar as a full size album. Lastly the 78 rpm which I’m sad to say I don’t remember the difference.
I had a small light blue case full of my record collection.
I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s—a time of new music genres. The Beatles just made their debut on the American stage in 1964. I was 5. But my sister was 11 and smitten with their hair-styles and music. As an adult I now recognize their talent for what it is, brilliant.
My sister also loved the king—Elvis. She watched every movie and swooned listening to his captivating voice. Neither Elvis nor the Beatles grabbed my interest. I was too young.
I loved what became known as bubble gum music—the Monkees, the Archie’s, Cuff Links and of course, the Herman’s Hermits.
I remember being so excited when the Archie’s #1 record, Sugar Sugar, came on the back of my cereal box. Seriously! I punched it out and played it on my record player. you can imagine the pull for parents to indulge their teenage daughter’s request. Marketing at its finest, or not; I don’t remember the brand of cereal.
My friends and I would spend hours playing our 45 rpm records on my record player over and over again. We knew every song by heart. Although often times I got the lyrics wrong. Many I didn’t know the correct lyrics until I was an adult and had an “aha” moment—“That’s what they were saying?!”
When Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 countdown started playing each Saturday, we were glued to our transistor radios. As soon as the #1 hit was made known we would jump on our banana seat bikes and ride to the 5 and dime to purchase the 45 single before it was sold out.
This was my life growing up in Central Florida.
Tom is from upstate NY and is five years older. He, like my sister, had completely different musical interests than me. I played the piano. He played the drums. He doesn’t even remember listening to anything other than the radio until he moved to Florida at 15. By then he was into rock and roll. We are amazed that God brought us together as He did. Such varied backgrounds are what give our marriage its personality.
Thanks for walking down memory lane with me. But there is a better reason I have this number on my mind…
45 represents the number of years we’ve been married as of this Saturday.
45! I love this for it ties together two of my favorite things: marriage and music.
When Tom called me asking me out for the first time, I was ecstatic. I had always respected Tom, as he helped me through many struggles in my young life. We were friends and later became us. We have always believed it’s best to be friends first before becoming husband and wife. This is a good start for a lasting marriage.
Here’s a song that expresses our love all these years later…Happy Together by The Turtles from 1967.
Happy Anniversary, babe. I’m grateful for the good times and the hard times for this is what has made us who we are today—Happy and Together. I love you!
It is Presidents’ Day in our country which falls around Washington’s (2/19) and Lincoln’s (2/12) birthdays every year.
We love good quotes that inspire our own thoughts towards our spouse. And here are some excellent words penned by various presidents throughout our nation’s history. (All photos are from Unsplash, via the Library of Congress)
“Coming home to Nancy was like coming out of the cold into a warm room with a fireplace.” 🔥
“I more than love you, I’m not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I’m waiting for you to return so I can start living again.”
Ronald Reagan
“She had golden curls and has, to this day, the most beautiful blue eyes. We went to Sunday school, public school from the fifth grade through high school, graduated in the same class and marched down life’s road together. For me, she still has the blue eyes and golden hair of yesteryear.”
Harry Truman
“He was fascinated by her intelligence: They read together, painted together, enjoyed good conversation together and walks together.”
Ted Kennedy, about John, his brother and his wife, Jackie
“You are more wonderful and lovely in my eyes than you ever were before; and my pride and joy and gratitude that you should love me with such a perfect love are beyond all expression, except in some great poem which I cannot write.”
Woodrow Wilson
“Sweetest little wife, I think all the time of my little laughing, teazing beauty, and how pretty she is, and how she goes to sleep in my arms, and I could almost cry I love you so.”
Theodore Roosevelt
“Will you marry me? Whoops. I forgot you did that 49 years ago today. I was very happy on that day in 1945, but I’m even happier today. You give me joy that few men know. I’ve climbed perhaps the highest mountain in the world, but even that cannot hold a candle to being Barbara’s husband.”
George H. W. Bush
“…I go fully trusting in that Providence, which has been more bountiful to me than I deserve, & in full confidence of a happy meeting with you sometime in the Fall—I have not time to add more, as I am surrounded with Company to take leave of me—I retain an unalterable affection for you, which neither time or distance can change…”
George Washington
How would you describe your spouse to others?
In our marriage small groups through the years, Tom will often have each one write a paragraph introducing their spouse as the main speaker at a large conference.
At first everyone freezes at the thought, searching for what to say. But more times than not, the most beautiful words are shared in the group that leaves the receiving spouse in tears and blessed.
Why do we rely on Hallmark to say our heartfelt words?
It is better by far to slow down and pen our own words of affection. And most likely they will be remembered for a lifetime.!
Thanks for reading. And if you have married friends, why not share this post with them. We’d appreciate it!
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I know that’s a very long title, but it is seriously true!
We found this recipe in a Williams and Sonoma French cookbook that was a gift. The photo drew us in and the recipe has been a favorite now for years.
Photo from Williams Sonoma French cookbook
But I must confess—I’ve never made it myself. This is Tom’s specialty and it blesses me when he cooks.
This Valentine’s Day I asked Tom if he would make this for our dinner.
I had to say no more. He did the planning, shopping, cooking and serving. Such a special way to say, “I love you.”
Not all husbands cook, but most do special things to bless their wives. It’s our job to notice.
If you have a special celebration and want a meal to remember, I can’t recommend this enough. It is like the entree and dessert in one—it is so flavorful and rich.
Tom’s version ❤️A gift from our son and daughter-in-love ❤️A recipe to keep if you’d like
Valentine’s Day is typically either an annual event in your home—one focused on the kids giving cards and conversation hearts to their schoolmates, or it’s a token holiday including a card, flowers or chocolates for your wife. We can take part without much thought, and your marriage is no better on February 15th.
But what if we put more thought into this day? What if we asked intentional questions with the purpose of encouraging our spouse?
Have you ever been asked a question where your response was, “I don’t know I’ve never thought of it.”
This is a good question for it leads to a part of your spouse’s mind where they have not explored. You are both embarking on uncharted territory, an adventure together.
Learning how to ask these kinds of questions takes practice.
But we have a God who is the best at asking probing, heart-revealing questions. Consider a few…
To Adam and Eve, “Where are you? Who told you that you were naked?”
To Hagar, Sarai’s servant, “Where have you come from and where are you going?”
To Moses, “What is that in your hand?”
And finally to Job, “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?”
All of these questions aren’t asked by God to discover something, for He knows all things. These questions are asked to show those being asked something they haven’t discovered.
When we ask our spouse a good question and it helps them see themselves more clearly, we have entered into a realm of intimacy that is precious.
This has happened in our relationship when it wasn’t planned. It was as if God intervened leading us to ask the right question at the right time.
One I remember well. We were on a date enjoying dinner when I asked Tom, “On a scale of 1-10 how is your relationship with The Lord right now?”
His response, “Probably a 6 or 7.” Immediately He felt The Lord say, “Really, I’d say it’s a 10, because I can’t love you anymore than I do right now!”
It was a godly moment that we’ll never forget.
How do you cultivate such a moment?
It starts with prayer. Ask God to help you enter into deeper emotional intimacy.
Consider one of these three questions to ask this Valentines Day:
1. What is one accomplishment in your life you are proud of for the confidence it gave you?
2. If you could do over one day in your life what would it be and why?
3. Has God ever asked you a question where you felt His nearness and His love?
Or maybe a question comes to mind right now. Write it down and make time to ask. Maybe both of you can answer the same question.
Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to draw closer to each other, and it may be as simple as asking a good question.
We started it a long time ago, but never finished it; our life demanded our attention elsewhere. In fact we forgot about it until our pastor mentioned it one recent Sunday.
The latest episode we watched in Season 4 is titled,
Fairytale—story of Charles and Diana’s courtship and marriage.
We didn’t know they had only seen each other 13 times before they married. I was shocked, until I realized Tom and I also dated only 12 weeks until we were engaged. We lived 2.5 hours apart, so our dates were limited.
We joked that after the wedding is when our dating really began. And for us, by God’s grace, it worked.
Like Diana I was scared of the unknown life ahead of me. I was still a teenager (19) and naive. I was homesick for the familiar, since I moved away from friends and family. I hardly knew Tom. But unlike Diana, I had a husband whose intentions and love for me were sincere.
The media created a reality of their own.
They desperately wanted the heir to the throne to find a wife. One whom the country could love and embrace as their Queen one day.
Yet they ignored the most important fact; to have what they hoped for it would have to be real.
Fairytales aren’t real.
As we watched the trauma of Diana’s story I was heartbroken for the many marriages her story represents. Heartache caused by neglect or unfaithfulness is hard to heal. But God is able to do the impossible if both are willing to do the hard work necessary.
At the close of the episode, the archbishop presiding over the ceremony said these words…
“Here is the stuff of which fairy tales are made. A prince and princess on their wedding day. But fairytales usually end at this point with the simple phrase, ‘They lived happily ever after.’
“As husband and wife live out their vows, loving and cherishing one another, sharing life’s splendors and miseries, achievements and setbacks, they will be transformed in the process. Our (Christian) faith sees the wedding day not as the place of arrival, but the place where the adventure really begins.”
The Crown – Archbishop Robert Runcie
This is why we do what we do—to encourage a reality in marriage where both husband and wife are loved and cherished for as long as they both shall live.
We’ll take the adventure over a fairytale; how about you?
We just got back from visiting our daughter for her birthday weekend. As is our tradition, we asked her what she wanted for her birthday dinner. Her response was, BBQ ribs.
We have a family favorite recipe of Baby Back Ribs, but Costco didn’t have any. Tom was considering the St. Louis ribs, which he’s never cooked. A lady saw him and said, I just made these and they were delicious. She went on the explain how she did it well enough that Tom bought them deciding to give it a try. I am so grateful for this lady pausing to share with him.
These ribs are probably the best we’ve ever had.
Instructions:
1. Prep St. Louis ribs by cleaning off the membranes. Check out this You Tube video on how to do it. It is a necessary step worth the time.
2. Use a good rub. We bought Kinders steak blend. After rubbing the ribs all over with Dijon mustard (so the seasonings stick), sprinkle a generous amount on the ribs, then set each rack in foil.
3. Pour a bit of apple cider vinegar over the ribs just to wet them. This acts as a tenderizer which makes them fall off the bone good.
4. Close the foil over the ribs, and place them in a pre-heated 250 degree oven for about 3 hours.
5. When the time is nearly finished, preheat your grill to medium high and place the ribs on to the grill to brown on both sides.
6. Turn down to low and place them on indirect heat for another 45 minutes to an hour.
7. For the last 35-40 minutes baste the ribs with BBQ sauce. We also used Kinders—highly recommend!
We served ours with twice stuffed potatoes and roasted Brussels sprouts with bacon and balsamic glaze.
This is now a new favorite. I haven’t been able to eat pork ribs for the last 5 years because they made me feel awful. I decided to take the risk and try them. I’m so happy to say I didn’t feel bad at all. Thank you, Lord!
You probably noticed we’ve just picked up blogging again. The Lord made it clear it’s time to start writing and sharing our lives to help couples glorify God in their marriage.
We’d appreciate it if you’d share our posts with your married or engaged friends, and a sincere welcome to those who have just found us.
Marriage is our passion and encouraging others to succeed is our ministry.
Be sure to sign up for emails so you don’t miss a post. Or you can follow us on Facebook or Instagram where on the following days we will have new posts and encouragement…
– Mondays we share about how to work on and maintain a healthy marriage. ❤️
– Wednesdays we share romantic ideas. 😘
– Fridays is our Foodie posts because, well—Tom and I love to cook and eat good food. 🥰
Driving home today was stressful as Interstate driving usually is. We saw truck drivers weaving in and out of lanes as if they were Nascar drivers. It was alarming and revealing. I’ve never paid attention to truck drivers—the ones who “stay in their lane”. But today I was grateful for them; they are usually conscientious about driving and drive by the rules.
Immediately I made a connection to my everyday life.
I thought of how many things my husband does for me that I don’t notice because he does it right without being asked.
Conviction set in.
What if I were to take notes for a week of all the things he does for me without being asked? I think it would bless him that I noticed.
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. Don’t mistake activity with achievement. The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.”
Coach John Wooden
Valentine’s Day is one week away.
My challenge to you and me is to write down every day for the next week the things your spouse does for you that you would miss if they were gone.
Buy a special Valentine’s Day card and place your list inside. This will be a memory your spouse will remember.
And maybe wave at the truck drivers who drive well. We are all safer because of them.
Tom and I have been learning about difficult issues in marriage that we didn’t know happened. We realize how we have been spared many heartaches in our 45 years of marriage. Not that we didn’t have our own to deal with—we certainly did—but nothing on the level we have witnessed recently.
We have watched couples where one spouse refused to admit their wrong in the marriage, a major red flag.
We all bring sin to our marriage.
We shouldn’t be surprised when we hurt our spouse. The most important way to deal with it is to be quick to repent. Not just a token, “I’m sorry,” but a deep regret for the pain you’ve cause your spouse.
If you find yourself blame-shifting you may be missing a major part of a healthy marriage. We all must be quick to see our sin and own it. Only then do we find grace from God to change.
I can testify that my husband owned the blame when we faced our hardest tests early in our relationship. When I struggled to forgive him, he was quick to say he deserved it for the way he hurt me. He never blamed me for the way he treated me. He never said if you wouldn’t have done this I wouldn’t have sinned. Instead he realized his sin wasn’t about me at all. It was about him and his relationship to God.
What a liberating response for me to see. Even when Tom hurt me, I felt cared for by him in how he released me to grieve.
If your spouse is shifting the blame on you when they are at fault, please seek help.
This isn’t how healthy marriages relate to each other and certainly not modeling Christ in how He instructed us to love. Jesus laid down His life for us when He wasn’t at fault. How much more should we lay down our lives and our pride for our spouse? We vowed to love them above ourselves. This is easy to say on our wedding day, but impossible to do apart from the grace God supplies.
It breaks our heart to see the damage that occurs when one spouse refuses to humble themselves.
Pride kills a marriage. Humility fertilizes it.
All marriages face hard times. We all need God to help us through them. We pray our post will encourage and challenge you to keep leaning in to make your marriage the best it can be.
February 2nd is Groundhog’s Day. The day when Puxatawney Phil predicts the weather for the rest of Winter.
The movie is a classic. The day repeats itself over and over again starting with breakfast at Tip Top Cafe’. Phil orders the usual: coffee, pancakes with maple syrup and bacon.
I did some research and found a recipe that combines all these flavors into a delicious muffin. I’m happy to say they are delicious!
Thank you, Marissa Bate of marissarothkopf.substack.com
What You’ll Need:
2 cups whole wheat flour (I used regular) 1 tablespoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup white sugar 1/2 cup butter 1 cup milk (2 percent or whole milk preferred) 1 large egg 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 teaspoon maple extract 6 to 8 pieces of bacon, cooked and crumbled OR 1 cup fresh or frozen (but not thawed) blueberries
What You’ll Do:
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Grease a 12-hole muffin tin.
In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar.
In a large microwave-safe bowl, melt the butter. Let the butter sit for 5 minutes to cool slightly before proceeding with the recipe.
While whisking, add the milk in a slow stream until combined. Whisk in the egg and vanilla and maple extracts.
Fold in the flour and the bacon (or blueberries) until just combined. Don’t overmix or the result will be bouncy muffins.
Divide the batter evenly into the baking tin and bake for 18 to 20 minutes. Let the muffins cool for ten minutes in the pan before removing them to a rack to cool completely.
Spread the glaze evenly over the tops or serve plain with butter and syrup. Maple-Coffee Glaze. What You’ll Need: 1/4 cup butter 2 tablespoons half-and-half or milk 2 tablespoons strong coffee 2 tablespoons maple syrup optional: 1/2 teaspoon maple extract 1 cup confectioners’ sugar, sifted What You’ll Do:
In a medium size microwavable bowl, melt the butter. Let the butter sit for 5 minutes to cool slightly before proceeding with the recipe.
Into the butter, whisk in the half-and-half, coffee, maple syrup and extract until the mixture is creamy and uniform in color.
Whisk in the confectioners’ sugar until blended and no lumps of sugar remain. Add more half-and-half as needed to create an easily spreadable consistency
Enjoy over and over again.
Movies provide lots of ideas for romantic memories—whether food or activities.
What is a favorite movie your spouse enjoys? Why not plan a meal or an activity around it and see if they aren’t blessed.
Here’s to 6 more weeks of winter…I think I’ll have a another muffin!
The Romantic Vineyard 